Don't wait until it's too late....

As I’ve said so many times in my life "music can take you places you’ve been" or I guess put you in places you hadn’t thought of. Couple that with a well written essay by a reflective author and you can be taken to places past and present. I’ve experienced both recently beginning with a song by one of my all time favorite artists.

Jackson Browne’s “A Little Soon to Say” is a song that has me reflecting on my past and thoughts about my life today. “Searching the horizon for what we can’t quite see, when all we’ve ever needed has been there all a long inside of you and me.”

I’m one who has always wondered “what if.” Like what if I hadn’t been so driven by the desire to have a new car and nice clothes coming out of high school and chosen to put my energies in to my college classes as opposed to my job, what might have been the outcome. What I know is that choosing work over school found me matching in cadence in Louisiana. Or several years later choosing work over returning to school. What might have been the outcome? Reality set in when my employer called me to his office a few years later and leveled with me by saying “you could be successful but you feel that without a degree you’ll never get there.” Without firing me he told me to “quit and go back to school.” Ironically he did this in August giving me enough time to enroll and start classes that semester. All I “needed had been there all long inside of me.” From there we know the outcome - a career I loved and never regretted.

Today I read an article by John Pavlovitz, an impressive writer I have followed for years, entitled “How You Die When Someone You Love Dies.” Damn, if that didn’t stop me in my place. Having lost both parents there are so many memories and questions.

My Dad and I had a rough relationship when I was younger and it didn’t improve for years after that. As a child of the depression, who had worked for success, he wanted his oldest son to have an understanding of what that took. So love was replaced with expectations and discipline. If you wanted something you had to earn it. Things weren’t given to you. Those expectations didn’t end with high school graduation but continued long after my military service ended or getting married.

After my son Tony was born Dad began to lighten up but his expectations didn’t change for several more years. I think it finally changed after years of teaching and some recognition from my employer and students.

The blessing was that Dad lived long enough for us to move forward as father and son to ultimately being best friends. In retrospect, I learned so much from him and yet there are so many questions that remain unanswered.

In the article Pavlovitz writes, “That’s what people never tell you about the real, fundamental, life-giving stuff you lose when someone you love leaves. You lose the part of you that only they knew. You lose some of your story.

It simply dies.”

I often catch myself saying “Dad could answer that” only to realize those days are gone. Simple things about family history or more difficult questions about Medicare, health issues or just life. There’s no one to turn to.

That also came with the realization that I’m now the oldest living member of my family.

I hope my kids and grandkids ask all those questions I didn’t before my time comes to pass. If we are believers that history directs the future then the realization is so much is lost beyond the person we love.

Pavlovitz wrote “Just as sure as he isn’t coming back, neither are those parts of my story because he was their co-owner.” Knowing “A part of you does indeed die when someone you love passes away.”

STOP! Take a moment to reflect, to share those thoughts and emotions while you have the opportunity.

Life is a blessing that should be shared with those you love. Ask the questions before you end up like me…. Left wondering.

May 7, 2023